Post #4: Remodeling

To say it was an easy summer following that fiasco is the least I could say. In fact, it was the best summer I have ever had. No matter how much time you take to prepare for a summer vacation in order to make sure you are as worry free as possible, there is always a constant pressure that bugs you. This constant reminder that beyond the momentary luxury of a vacation, you have a life that will continue like always once you go back. And you know what? I didn't feel it. It was one of the best moments I have ever experienced, and that wonder lasted for 3 beautiful worry free months. I had cleansed myself of all worries, I felt like confesing myself to her had made me a free man of not just my romantic necessities but also of my wordly restrictions. I was on top of the freaking world baby and nobody was knocking me off my damn high horse! I was suave, the life of the party wherever I went. I was witty, never did I miss a joke or an oportunity to loosen the tension. Most of all I was confident, there was no boundery too thick. People wanted to be close to me, and that made me feel amazing. I got into my first fight, and I won! Man what a rush. Long after I had left a locale I kept getting contacted to go out or simple to talk about how sweet it was. It got to the point where these conversation about things that had passed got so monotonous that I simply stopped comunications to move forward. I had my fair share of rejections. But I couldnt care less cause I was never lonely. And I never looked back. But during the last weeks of the summer I did. And it felt horrible. I saw how I behaved and realized that would never be as free again. Cause the minute I got back to school I was bombarded with memories. The past I wanted to turn into my future had been romantizised so much, there was no possible way I could live up to my own damn expectations. And so no mater how hard I tried I always went back to that magical place where the only reality was me and whoever had the pleasure of being in my radar. It clouded my judgement and made me slow on the trigger and mundane. I was as shy as when I left. It wasnt like that all the time, and eventually I evolved, becoming a fixture with my friends once more. But I neglect to forget that one summer that I was the me I always wanted to be. And I cant help but think that if it werent for my triumphs and flops during that peaceful time, I wouldnt be where I am now. In fact, thats my next blog post. I bet you would like to meet her, you know, the muse?