Post 12: The nothing weeks

Have you ever busted out in laughter like a mad jester? For no given reason by the way. Its probably the most purifying experience out there. Just walking along the all too familiar hall to your kitchen then suddenly clutching your gut and having to sit down like a damn fool. At that moment all of the world's troubles melt away and you are left to enjoy your own secluded madness. Its the lover's curse, to live in glee. And every day since the best December 28th heaven has ever gazed upon did I live in blissfull ignorance of the world that surrounds me. At least, for three weeks that is. Soon after a subtle and non binding new year's promise from her, I noticed her distant. No, wait. I barely noticed her there at all. Our conversations were suddenly slow and impersonal. Her attitude was that of indifference and not much more can be said of her trust. She suddenly stoped confying in me things that at the beggining of our friendship (Note the word friendship, not dating) seemed elementary. As if she doubted my judgement or discretion. I thought much of it, after all, one does not dismiss that diamond which gleams the brightest even in the darkest pit. I preased on with faith that I could help as I had several times before. But I felt the game had changed, she had changed. It was subtle, but it was there. There was only one reason I held back. And I fear that it might have sealed my own downfall. For fear of losing her I held my tongue. More than once, I turned into the instigator who never has seen a flaw in the person he is counsiling. I hate that person. I vowed to be honest to her at all times, and this threw me off from my path too far. But I couldnt stop. And soon it became the only person I could be. Not just with her. But with everybody, in my mind. Everybody was right and nobody could tell them otherwise. Never listen to that person! I remember one such day, she had not slept the days before and this day was no diferent. So I, being 30 miles away, decided to stay up and acompany her until she fell asleep. She knew it was a waste of my time, and so did I. It didnt matter if I stayed up till Morpheus forgot me. No matter how much time I would take from my health, she wouldnt instantly fall asleep because of one gesture. And so I was awake till 5 waiting for her visit from the sandman. It never came, so I, feeling as a failure went to sleep. And what sucked the most is that I did that to myself. But it persisted, and it led to my unduing in less than 2 weeks...