Post #3: The journey is just as important.

Before one can understand how it feels to reach a point in life when you just expect things to come to you. Its both a joyous mentality, as you lose most stress that comes with social interaction and are avaible to enjoy said interaction with no strings attatched. The same way it is also a hollow victory, slowly but surely you forget how nice it is to let your guard down, hanging out with couples isnt as hellish as the entertainment industry makes us believe, in fact it could be one of the best times you will have while going out, but you begin to forget how nice it is to be with somebody of your own. You feel like if you are indeed ment to share your life, things will come to you, and you wont have to work for it. But at the same time, resentment grows in your person, resentment reserved for this seemingly cruel reality that will aperently go out of it's way to screw you over personally. Its a duality of life that still I know for a fact that no matter how much I meditate and grow, it will still puzzle me in many years to come. Possibly the interest in contemplating this state of mind came to me by the time I reached my adolecence. As a matter of fact it may well have been the first idea that defined the way I would develop over the years. And no place was it more obvious than during my eight grade year. I remember it well cause that was the year I met a girl not just new to our school, but to anybody there. My first thoughts about here werent ones of a romantic or pretentious nature, but rather ones of pity because of how fastly she was judged. She was an early bloomer, a beauty too. But sadly not the other dames in class were so lucky, so they looked down on her. Naturally a shy girl she was hurt, almost to the point of wanting to leave. I dont know what made her want to leave her thoughts to my care, but she poured out. I found a friend in her like nothing before, and through my confusion, I decided to simply continue with the friendship. Soon those same girls that mocked her realized how foolish they were and began a relationship that has lived into today even though she couldnt be any farther away. But I hit a stump, I fell for her. It was weird cause of how random it happened. As if one day I woke up and decided to pursue a girl who was in all reason, way out of my league. But not farther than that one girl I met in my infance. So I meditated and consulted with others to make sure my thoughts were true. But through all reason and knowledge I went ahead and told her how I felt. Rather, I decided to let my keyboard do the talking. It was by far one of the best poems Ive ever written. But lo, it was just a poem, and she being the smart girl I always knew, thanked me but also told me how she felt in no way the same. I knew as much, but I couldnt feel any better. I had faced her and cleansed my mind. By the time I made record of how I felt, the feelings themselves went away. It wasnt romance after all, and I still dont know what it was. But it wasnt anything like what I feel now. That girl I once knew is a friend and nothing more and it doesnt bother me. But everytime I look into the eyes of the muse that walks the same halls as me everyday I dont feel a simple crush, I feel heartbreak. Because no matter how much I tell her how I feel. It sucks to know... Rather to not know how she feels. Cause its easy to take rejection, but uncertenty is a new circle of hell in of its own.